Jealousy isn’t attractive and manipulation but somehow abusers make abuse feel romantic.
They shower us with the exact words we want to hear, but they treat us in a way that makes us feel like we are the only girl in the world and they put us so high on a pedestal it feels like we are flying high. but all this is covered in abuse yet we are blinded by the good bits, we really don’t see the bad until it’s too late.
If I leave him, he has threatened to kill himself, he just cries and tells me how much he loves me and how if I leave he won’t be able to cope without me. He’s begged me to help him, he says he wants to change but he can only do that with my help.
He has taken all of my money and told me if there is anything I need to bu I have to ask him for the exact amount and then show him the receipt to prove what I have brought. I can’t even phone anyone to borrow some money because he has thrown my mobile out of the window and I can’t leave the flat because he has locked the door and hidden the key.
If I go to the bathroom and he thinks I am in there too long he knocks on the door until I come out and he’s just standing there looking at his watch.
When I am allowed to go to work he pops in every break time and lunch time and then picks me up when I finish and in between that, he’s constantly ringing my mobile phone and if I don’t answer, he calls the office phone.
None of my friends visit anymore and he knows where they all live so he would find me anyway. I can’t go to my family because he’s threatened to torch the house.
I can’t phone the Police because if I do, he’ll kill me.
The safe houses are closing and if I do get in one I’ll more than likely be told my 13 year old son and pet dog can’t come with me and if I leave them, he will kill them both.
I can’t be the one to split our family up it would destroy the kids, he loves those boys so much. I married him for better or worse, I’ve got to stick by those vows otherwise I will bring shame and embarrassment on the family.
I’m not physically hurt so how can I prove that I am being abused and who will believe me with no scars to show. He’s already told everyone I’m mad and crazy.
I’m so embarrassed and ashamed, how can I tell anyone what’s happening, let alone leave. People will say it’s a rough patch and it will get better.
He will find me and kill me. He’s already verbally threatened to do that and I know he’s capable of doing it. I’ve left several times before, then he bombards me with so many calls and texts telling me he loves me, I feel so guilty and go back. It’s my fault anyway. I push him and press his buttons.
Contact takes place and he keeps giving messages to the kids and now they think I’m the bad one.
Without him my anxiety is so bad. I have to be with him because I know what his next move will be, when I’m not with him I don’t know what his next tep is, I’m always looking over my shoulder.
We are married, have children and a house together, how can I just leave with no money or safe place to stay? What about my children?
My self-esteem and worth has been completely crushed by my controlling partner. It has escalated from nasty comments to controlling my money to watching my every move. Constantly minimizing his behaviour is driving me crazy but everyone is colluding with his excuses taking his side but blaming me. So who can I talk to if no one believes me?
People think the abuse will simply stop when I leave but the reality is, it will just be the beginning. Continuous harassment, turning up full of drink and drugs. He has brainwashed me yet made me emotionally dependent on him. I can’t go unaccompanied to ask for help, I know he’s watching me – it feels like he is kidnapping me, holding me hostage just by controlling me.
How can I be strong when I feel so weak, I’ve felt nothing but numbness for so long I am so scared. You might think I’ve cheated death but for now it’s time to start my prison sentence.