As a parent we have no idea how our son or daughter will turn out as an adult. Of course, we all have aspirations for them but what will be, will be.
We can give advice and support to our children but ultimately they will do what they want to, regardless to what we say,.
Looking back on myself and now that I am a parent I can see how difficult it was for my own parents to see me suffer as a victim.
It is so difficult to want to reach out to someone you love so very much but no matter what you try, just pushes them further and further away from you. Reaching out to them but not being able to put your arms around them, pull them toward you and tell them everything is going to be ok. They have been isolated, manipulated, brainwashed into thinking they are not wanted, loved or cared for.
To watch your own child deteriorate in front of your very eyes must just be absolutely devestating. But sometimes intervenining into the relationship can make things worse for your son or daughter as a victim of domestic abuse.
I now understand how seeing me with a black eye, going to see my parents when I weighed around 5 stones must have had it’s toll on my parents at the time. But as a victim you don’t see what is happening around you because you are completely brainwased by your perpetrator. I know that is something society doesn’t understand, this is why I am a strong believer of why we must live where awareness is a must.
The complete and utter confusion is whereby victims confuse control with care. Those sugghestions made by perpetrators of staying in with me tonight rather than your friends and family is where the control first begins. This is where the psychological abuse comes into play because at that point, the perpetrator is telling the victim exactly what they wanto to hear and believe at the beginning of any relationship. The, but I wanna spend time with you and the, but no one else loves you like I( do, if you loved me you would stay and you know I would do it for you, are common controlling excuses to introduce isolation into the relationship. The perpetrator knows at this point the victim loves them and will stay with them because they are so loved up – the victim that is, not the perpetrator.
Every single day of the year throught the world somebody’s daughter and somebody’s son is a victim of domestic abuse. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men becoming a victim at some point during their lifetime.
I don’t want that somebody to be my daughter or your son and that is why awarenes is so very important and something we need to see more of.
Some children don’t have open relationships with their parents and feel they can’t talk to them about such issues as sex, relatiosnhips and domestic abuse so for a healthy balance sex and relationships must be included in sex education at school.
I don’t mean a whole focus, we need a healthy balance to include everything about relationships from the biological aspect to psychological too. Sex shouldn’t be soemthing we are frightened to speak about because that is how most of us were made in the first place! However, we need to be realistic when talking about it to the young people of our future. It is important they know about the food, the bad and everything in between.
My own personal experience of sex education that I can remember is a condom being put on a banana. I guess when talking about contraception this would prove very useful but what about everything else that goes with it such as other forms of contraception too, for example. We need to inform our young people they do have choices and what those choices are.
No one can predict the future of their son or daughter but we can inform them of things and pass on our own experiences, awareness and knowledge but without that awareness in the first place how can we do that, how can we help try and keep them safe?
Someones sone, someones daughter could be experiencing physical, psychological, sexual or financial abuse at the time the subject is brough up in the lesson, for example, and you have no idea how that will make them feel, knowing it isn’t there fault, they are not alone and there is support. It is also important young people are awawre that abuse doesn’t happen in all relationships because you might find that some victims believe this to be true. It isn’t but it is important to raise awareness so young people are aware of the early warning signs.
We have to flip the coin over too and understand that someones son, someones daughter is a perpetrator with education being prevention and with awareness of what the abuse does to a vcitim it could stop the perpetrator from abusing.
There is never, ever an excuse for abuse. the victimand the perpetrator is someones son, someones daughter and it is also important to reach out to them about the effect the complex cycle has on everyone.
I would be devestated if my daughter became either. But as a parent of a perpetrator, you would never want to admit that fact to yourself let alone anyone else. However, with domestic abuse awareness, who knows, the mum of the perpetrator might be able to make a difference to their behaviour. I say that because from personal experience, my ex perpetroatrs mum was one of the only women he truly loved and respected.
Everyday, someones son, someones daughter starts off isolated and ends up dead. Just take into consideration for a few moments, how awareness really could make a difference.