That person you thought you knew, is an abuser, you too were fooled by their manipulation and brainwashing behaviour.
Every time you saw them you thought they were a caring partner and to the outside world, they were but if only there were as caring behind closed doors.
I often wished that the other side of him I so often saw when he was around others; he would smile and just be so nice to them. I would often pray for the day when he would treat me that way.
Many people knew what he was like with me but no one really spoke of it. I think many just thought it was my fault for staying, not his fault for abusing me.
The grim discovery for me was his parents knew and never did anything to stop it. If I dated to leave, I was called and told how he was a good lad really and I should give him another chance – which I always did. Whenever I threw him out or left him, I was the bad one. They condoned his behaviour but not mine. I often think about how I might have reacted if my son was an abuser. I think I would be mortified, embarrassed and upset – so many emotions would be running through my veins. I don’t think I could take it all in my stride without having a stern word or two!
His mum seemed to be his back bone and the only woman he loved and respected. She still treated him like a baby – mothering him far too much, not letting him fully let go of those apron strings and it often felt as though there were actually three of us in the relationship, she knew more than I did about what was happening in our relationship.
Through the 3 years we were together I barely had a proper conversation with any of his family. Maybe they thought as long as he’s with someone, he’s not our problem.
A grim discovery is often when you find out that people know what you were going through, yet never did anything to help you and by that I don’t mean getting directly involved. All it takes is one anonymous call, especially if you see an assault actually taking place.
Ignorance isn’t always bliss.
I often found myself making excuses for his behaviour, sort of brushing it off as if it didn’t matter, as if I didn’t matter but it was only I left the relationship, I realised I was worth something.
A grim discovery is when you aren’t believed but your abuser is.